Fat + Stogies = No Plz

Take a look at the picture above.

If you could put your gut reaction (no pun intended) to the picture in one word what would it be?

Sexy?

Hot?

Lovely?

Jizz in my pants? (I cheated)

Now smoking is not good for anyone. This is a well known fact. No one starts smoking because they want to run the LA Marathon.

But smoking is ESPECIALLY bad for fat people. It's so bad that they should never have an excuse to smoke in the first place. Think of it in this way, there are two primary reasons why people start smoking:

(1) Stress Relief: We all know this is bunk because cigarettes taste like crap to everyone the first time. Cigarettes become a stress reliever after you have the nicotine pumping through your veins. So if you don't smoke, then you don't have nicotine in your veins, and then it won't be a stress reliever. So on to the real reason one might start smoking...

(2) To Look Cool: This is it. The holy grail of reasons to start smoking. Everyone will give you their bullshit rationale for why they picked up their first pack of Marlboro Reds but this is the real reason right here.

Everyone looks cooler with a white cancerstick poking out of their lips or between their index and middle finger. Why do you think the smoking patio at clubs are always packed? Because every douche inside is trying to make themselves look cooler. However, not EVERYONE looks cooler. People that do not look cool are usually:

• A little kid
• An infant
• Someone inherently uncool (e.g. Joseph Stalin, Strom Thurmond, Judas Iscariot)
• Fat

Yes fat people are incredibly unattractive smokers. That is because their massive bodies dwarf the tiny little cigarette. They also do a good job of advertising the many negative health effects of smoking with their wheezing, heavy breathing, and awful smell. So if you cannot look cool smoking, then why start smoking in the first place? Either drop the pounds or drop the Parliaments and do yourself and everyone who might glance at you a favor. Keep the bones out your bizzyness.