There is Nothing to be Sorry About Between Friends

Dear Vince;

I can't believe it's already been over two months since you've passed. I remember that when you were still with us, I would start wondering where you were if I didn't have any contact with you after two days. The world hasn't been too different since your funeral but my life has been completely changed. Every now and then, I just randomly drift off and remember a conversation I had with you and it really hurts me that these memories are all I have left now.

When I first found out you passed away, I was filled with regrets. I felt sorry that for all the times you asked me to come out and I stayed home to study or all the times that I got annoyed or got in an argument with you. All I saw were hundreds of missed opportunities that I took for granted. I mean how could I have taken them for anything BUT granted? You were such a health freak that I thought you would be alive until you were over 100. You can't imagine how your passing hit me, because it just didn't add up. I sat at my desk dumbfounded for what seemed like hours after Matt called me.

After the initial shock subsided, I didn't know what to do other than to pray. I was praying for you while you were battling that tumor and that was the only option I felt I had left. In my prayers, even though I was absolutely wrought with grief and shock, I couldn't help but thank God that you were a part of my life. I was so thankful to have your influence in my life and I still am. All the conversations, laughter, and arguments that we shared were things that I felt had a lasting impact on me and they were all things that I couldn't help but thank God for. It's funny because that night, I was just praying that I could hear from you one more time and all of a sudden, my phone rang. I was disappointed at the fact that my caller ID showed the name "Timothy Lee" (j/k Tim!) but while we were talking, he just encouraged me with his condolences and also by just reminding me to trust God.

You have no idea what kind of impact you left on the people you came in contact with. Even people you met for just a couple of hours remembered you as a good guy and a positive person. I was talking to Steve that night and I remember he responded to the news by saying "What the heck!?!? I LIKED VINCE!" It's a real tragedy that more people didn't get to experience your influence in their lives.

Later that week, Steven led a prayer with a bunch of my friends and he shared with us this verse from James, "Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away (James 4:14)". It's no mystery that we all have short lives on this planet but how sudden your passing was really helps me be reminded to truly appreciate the time and love of all those around me. Your passing has a put lot into perspective and I really want to make sure that I do not lose sight of this invaluable lesson.

Matt and I visited your parents not too long after your funeral and all four of us just couldn't help laughing when we were sharing our stories about you. It's incredible how even after you've left us, just the memories we have of you are filled with such positivity. At your viewing, Vince's dad asked all of your friends to not remember death as a part of you, and to remember you as a positive, healthy, funny, loving person. He was absolutley right, your death is not a part of you in any way. Matt and I actually joked that the way you passed doesn't even coincide with your character because we figured that the only way you would go out is doing something crazy or stupid (like racing Chik down Fullerton on a rainy day).

I titled this post "There is Nothing to be Sorry About Between Friends" because it was a quote from the movie 친구, which was one of the last times we were all together. It's incredible how much truth is in such a simple line, because I realize that even though I may have regrets, there is no point in being sorry. All I have is constant thanks for the memories we have and whenever I feel overwhelmed by your passing, I just remind myself to be thankful that I was able to have such a wonderful influence in my life since as long as the 5th grade. Every time I visit your gravesite on Sunday after church, I can't help but laugh at least once when I reflect upon the memories I have of you.

I think it goes without saying that it is a real tragedy that you did not get to see your 21st birthday, but all of us who loved you are here celebrating your memory Vince. I can't describe how much I miss you and I hope that you are finally finding some time to relax. Thank you so much Vince, and be good up there bro.

Your Friend,
Henry