I think I'm going to sneak in one more post before I call it a night.
The lot of us seem to be bothered by a lot of theological questions because it seems that any form of organized religion and the concept for "the power of ourselves" seems to deeply contradict. The whole idea of submitting to an anthropomorphic (or maybe not depending on your faith) deity seems to be clear cut proof of the claim "religion is for the weak". I admit, shamefully, that I felt that religion had absolutley nothing it could offer to my personal growth and development.
So why do I got to church and why do I proclaim that I am a Christian and a humble servant of Christ. What caused the change and what driving force further pushes this change?
The very first sermon I attended at my current church, DFC (Downey First Church), my pastor was going over the book of Ephesians and his sermon was centered around "living a worthy life". This sermon really resonated with me because I have always placed a huge emphasis on education in my own personal development. Being versed in metaphysics, ethics, debt securities, torts -- I always felt that the measure of a man was equal to the measure of his knowledge. However, this sermon lead me to question what the worth in such a world view was. It was obvious that the focus in such a view was ME. The rationale was that I know what is best for myself because I know what I need to do be considered succesful, cultured, and a good person. However, what is the WORTH of such a view? Is there any value in such a relentless pursuit of self aggrandization? Can there be any fulfillment? Basically, what the f*ck are we living for?
And that was when I knew. A life of value, of worth -- a good life, is a life that is not centered on yourself. It is a life of service. Service to mankind and more importantly, service to the LORD. Outside our own little narcissistic bubbles, I feel that there do exist obligations that we must fulfill. There is an expectation for us, as human beings, to serve one another. And what better light is there for us to follow in such a quest than Christ who served all of humanity through the ultimate sacrifice. It seems to me that such an obligation to LOVE one another through service is our calling because of what Christ did for us. I think that is why so many people see the Bible as a crock of sh*t, because it is unfathomable that such a selfless sacrifice can exist in the world today. It sounds so unreal that it can ONLY be a fairy tale. However, regardless of what others may think, I feel that if I live to serve as Christ served, than how is it possible for me to live anything other than a worthwhile life?
During our college retreat a few weeks ago, my small group leader asked "what do you think is the biggest change in your life since you became a Christian". And to me, the answer was obvious. I no longer feel any sense of misdirection or aimlessness in my life. I know that I am fulfilling a purpose that I know is worthwhile and that I know will help me grow into who I want to be. Of course there is still uncertainty, and there are a ton of things I am crossing my fingers about. But as a Christian, you have a feeling that you are standing on solid ground, and that the path ahead of you, while difficult, will always take you where you want to go. Call it foolishness, weakness, or irrationality, but trust me when I say that this kind of faith requires much more out of you than any midterm or final will, and the rewards are far greater.
I know that this post was really jumbled, filled with grammatical errors, and not very clear (I usually try and make it a point to map out my posts so that I can practice writing techniques) but it was something that I really wanted to write for a while now and I didn't want to give myself any excuses this time. Thanks for reading.
Cheers,
henrO
