No, You Are Wrong

Here's something I hear a lot. 

"Dude I'm going to get an iPhone because I need it."

Now I don't have any problem with people that say they got a crackberry or iPhone simply because they want one. That's totally fine. If there's a toy out there you want, save up some money and go out there and get it (or ask mom and dad to get it for you). But there's this strange way people like to justify their purchases by turning something they want into something they need.

Especially for people in school, where does the need for an iPhone come in? Are you taking 4 classes so your schedule is going to be CRAZY??? Do you need to make sure you can respond to your facebook wall posts while walking to class? Do you need to update your twitter so everyone knows "how stoked you are to go out with the gurlz tonite?" 

And for the young professionals out there, you sit in front or in the vicinity of the computer for a good chunk of the day yet you need a separate device for e-mail? I can understand if you are in a field where you must be on call 24 hrs a day, then it is necessary to have access to e-mail at all times of the day. But if your day ends when you leave the office,  then your attachment to e-mail should end too. And besides, how often do you use those things for something work related? (FYI: Going on BBM != work related)

Smart phones are fun, convenient,  etc. but do not try to justify spending ~70-100/month by saying you need one because chances are you don't . The people who need them will get the plan subsidized by their employer and everyone else can enjoy using it to download the lightsaber app. pew pew.

If you want one, just say you want one because the moment the word need passes through your lips, you make yourself look a little bit douchier. 

With that said, I want an iPhone for no damn reason.

Fat + Stogies = No Plz

Take a look at the picture above.

If you could put your gut reaction (no pun intended) to the picture in one word what would it be?

Sexy?

Hot?

Lovely?

Jizz in my pants? (I cheated)

Now smoking is not good for anyone. This is a well known fact. No one starts smoking because they want to run the LA Marathon.

But smoking is ESPECIALLY bad for fat people. It's so bad that they should never have an excuse to smoke in the first place. Think of it in this way, there are two primary reasons why people start smoking:

(1) Stress Relief: We all know this is bunk because cigarettes taste like crap to everyone the first time. Cigarettes become a stress reliever after you have the nicotine pumping through your veins. So if you don't smoke, then you don't have nicotine in your veins, and then it won't be a stress reliever. So on to the real reason one might start smoking...

(2) To Look Cool: This is it. The holy grail of reasons to start smoking. Everyone will give you their bullshit rationale for why they picked up their first pack of Marlboro Reds but this is the real reason right here.

Everyone looks cooler with a white cancerstick poking out of their lips or between their index and middle finger. Why do you think the smoking patio at clubs are always packed? Because every douche inside is trying to make themselves look cooler. However, not EVERYONE looks cooler. People that do not look cool are usually:

• A little kid
• An infant
• Someone inherently uncool (e.g. Joseph Stalin, Strom Thurmond, Judas Iscariot)
• Fat

Yes fat people are incredibly unattractive smokers. That is because their massive bodies dwarf the tiny little cigarette. They also do a good job of advertising the many negative health effects of smoking with their wheezing, heavy breathing, and awful smell. So if you cannot look cool smoking, then why start smoking in the first place? Either drop the pounds or drop the Parliaments and do yourself and everyone who might glance at you a favor. Keep the bones out your bizzyness.

Get Off the Bandwagon

Hello! Do you know me?

This goes out to those who say I am a "bandwagon" fan because Pierce was, and is still one of my favorite players.

This goes out to those who say I am a "bandwagon" fan because I love watching LeBron play.

Oh you say you hated the Celtics the whole time? Before KG and Jesus Shuttlesworth? Did you really hate a team that went 24-58 the year before? Did you even know who Paul Pierce was? Raef Lafrentz? Tony Delk?

"But Lakers and Celtics have always hated each other!"

Yeah, I remember watching the Magic-Bird rivalry when i was -3 years old. Those were the days huh? I also remember voting for Reagan.

I'm glad you found your way back to southern Cali after the Warriors decided to return to the bottom of the league standings. You can hang up the "We Believe" shirt and throw on the #24 jersey now.

Let me tell you a secret:

Being a Laker fan doesn't mean you have to hate every team the Lakers lose to. It also doesn't mean that you have to hate every player that is in the MVP race besides Kobe. It is very possible to like another player from another team. 

Liking Lebron is not an affront to Kobe. They're different basketball players, get used to the idea please. Just take a breath and get off deeez.

Not a Cavs fan, just a Lebron fan. Not a Celtics fan, just a Pierce fan. Just like you're not a Lakers fan, just a Kobe fan. 

Go Lakers, keep that jello jiggling. And I still hate Odom. Forever. Even if he averages a triple/triple. Okay maybe not if he averages a triple/triple.

And here's a nice song to set the mood!

Get Off The Bandwagon - EPMD

Smart Things People Say, Pt. 2

A small group of people leaving a bar pass by

A: Your people are loud

B: I take it by my people you mean Koreans

A: Yes



nioce!

Groupthink and the Spurs

I don't understand why everyone thinks the Spurs are boring. Say the Clippers or T'Wolves are boring, then I will absolutley agree with you. But the 4-time NBA Champions? I understand that Tim Duncan is not exactly TO or Ocho Cinco when it comes to handling the press. But how can you NOT marvel at how easy he makes it look when he banks in his little 7 footers? And aside from Tim Duncan, the Spurs also have Tony Parker and Ginobili. Personally, I think Ginobili is one of the more exciting players (especially this season) to watch in the league.

Seriously, the Spurs give you more than just jacking up 3s (AHEM GOLDEN STATE AHEM). They have slashing drives to the basket, laser guided missle passes, and those pretty little floaters that make them a rael pleasure to watch. It's true that beyond TD, Parker, and Ginobli (and POSSIBLY Horry), they lack any real starpower. But then again, look at the biggest bandwagon around, the Warriors. Imagine Bob Costas doing the intro for game 7 of the WCF sans Baron Davis and maybe Stephen Jackson.

"TUNE IN TODAY FOR AN EPIC SHOWDOWN. AL HARRINGTON, ANDRIS BIEDRINS, MONTA ELLIS AND PATRICK O'BRYANT! YES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PATRICK O'BRYANT! THEY WILL TAKE ON THE MIND NUMBINGLY BORING SAN ANTONIO SPURS! YES THE SPURS SUCK BECAUSE THEY ARE BORING AND SUCK AT EVERYTHING! WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TIM DUNCAN AND A QUADRIPALEGIC? NOTHING! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"But Ginobli's a flopper!!!!"

Part of the game buddy. If you get the call, you get the call. I don't see how flopping is preferrable to whining to the ref for the next minute after the play has already ended.

So think to yourself, are the Spurs really boring are you just saying that because it is the cool thing to do?

For your consideration:

Being Immature Does NOT Serve as a Bully Pulpit

Life is a very easy thing to generalize. All lawyers are liars, all Muslims are terrorists, all Jews are stingy, all of the Patriots are cheaters, all Indian food is digusting. Why do people have such an affinity with the claim of the type Vx(x -> y) (for all things x, if x then y). Furthermore, why do people like to use this childish thinking as a basis for voicing their narrow minded opinions.

Obviously, there is a theme going when we use claims of this type. We use these types of claims to generally talk about people. People of other religions, races, socio-economic backgrounds, hair colors, and anything else that falls into the plethora of characteristics by which we distinguish one class of people from another. It seems that it is so easy to say "all Mexicans are lazy". Notice a distinction here, I am talking about SPEAKING rather than THINKING. Am I saying that it is right to have these thoughts? Of course not. However, remember the axiom of our childhoods, "if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say it at all". I think for the young-adult, it should be "if you don't have anything meaningful to say, then don't say it at all".

I am almost positive that we never think about how this kind of claim reflects upon ourselves. There is no way that someone with any sort of self-awareness or human understanding can think that to make a claim of this type is to present themselves as eloquent and intelligent. The image I see in my head when I hear someone say something along these lines is of a kindergartner playing with blocks, and the only way he can understand where each block goes is by brutally smashing it against the orifices on a board until one fits. This may be OK for children barely leaving the stages of infancy but for people in college, it is incredibly disheartening that a lack of understanding serves as a basis for firing off false dichotomies and just plain idiotic remarks.

So be a citizen of the world and exercise rationality. Preconceived notions might be a scary thing to throw away but it takes some real intelligence to be cognizant of when what you always believed may not have been quite right. There's room for self-improvement in how we relate to others and the only way we can do this is by realizing our embarrassing lack of ability to differentiate. So the next time you think it's funny to say "oh it's just a Korean thing", remember that even donkeys can make sounds, but it takes some minute form of intelligence to make a sound worth hearing.

Cheers.

Smart Things People Say Pt. I

While I was walking back from campus through Westwood Village...

Guy: ...and their actions make them seem very anti-institutionalist.

Girl: What is an anti-institutionalist?

Guy: ....

Girl: You don't know huh?

Guy: Well you know people who are for an institution? Anti-institutionalists are against those people.

Girl: Wow that was so profound.