UCL

Champions League knockout round starts in ~12 hours. 

Arsenal are looking truly mediocre in EPL play but AS Roma is beatable and we need to bide time until Walcott and Cesc come back so we can have some semblance of a REAL midfield. Scheiss. Need to look for nothing short of a miracle in this one.

I hope manyoo crashes out in the first round. 

UP THE ARSENAL!

Get Off the Bandwagon

Hello! Do you know me?

This goes out to those who say I am a "bandwagon" fan because Pierce was, and is still one of my favorite players.

This goes out to those who say I am a "bandwagon" fan because I love watching LeBron play.

Oh you say you hated the Celtics the whole time? Before KG and Jesus Shuttlesworth? Did you really hate a team that went 24-58 the year before? Did you even know who Paul Pierce was? Raef Lafrentz? Tony Delk?

"But Lakers and Celtics have always hated each other!"

Yeah, I remember watching the Magic-Bird rivalry when i was -3 years old. Those were the days huh? I also remember voting for Reagan.

I'm glad you found your way back to southern Cali after the Warriors decided to return to the bottom of the league standings. You can hang up the "We Believe" shirt and throw on the #24 jersey now.

Let me tell you a secret:

Being a Laker fan doesn't mean you have to hate every team the Lakers lose to. It also doesn't mean that you have to hate every player that is in the MVP race besides Kobe. It is very possible to like another player from another team. 

Liking Lebron is not an affront to Kobe. They're different basketball players, get used to the idea please. Just take a breath and get off deeez.

Not a Cavs fan, just a Lebron fan. Not a Celtics fan, just a Pierce fan. Just like you're not a Lakers fan, just a Kobe fan. 

Go Lakers, keep that jello jiggling. And I still hate Odom. Forever. Even if he averages a triple/triple. Okay maybe not if he averages a triple/triple.

And here's a nice song to set the mood!

Get Off The Bandwagon - EPMD

Does Stu Lantz have ESP? (or maybe he just has amazing hearing)

Whenever you watch Laker games on KCAL9, you are graced by the voices of Stu Lantz and Joel Meyers. They're not exactly the best commentating team (how awesome would it be to have Tommy Smyth commentating NBA games) but they do say some bizarre things that keep the games entertaining during the lulls (e.g. away @OKC). 

I'm sure many people have picked up on this but Stu Lantz loves to make up dialogue for what's happening on the floor. He likes to make up for KCAL's lack of TNT's "Wired" (where they put a mic on a player) by sticking in his own dialogue about what they are saying (or sometimes...gasp...what they are THINKING).

Exhibit A:

On a fast break play with Kobe and Ariza vs. the Bulls. Kobe throws a lob up backwards for Ariza to finish at the rim but Ariza passes it back.

What probably happened

KB24: This n00b better finish this alley-oop

TA3: F&*#* what kind of retard pass is this, now I have to try and save it

KB24: My team sucks, time for a trade demand

What Stu says happened

TA3: I don't want it

KB24: Ok, I do!

Exhibit B:

On an alley-oop from Gasol to Kobe vs. the Pistons.

What probably happened

PG16: !Tomar la bola saltando hombre negro¡

KB24: WTF you say to me? Ship your ass out!

What Stu says happened

PG16: Go get it!

Kobe: Oh? Go get it? That's my nickname!

Make sure to listen for it next time. Nothing says "Stu-ism" like faux, corny dialogue between Laker teammates. 

The Weather is Better in Southern California

College football season has truly started with another overrated Cal team plunging from the rankings and UCLA bending over to take it from BYU (just getting ready to set up another big upset...who will it be this year???)... which means USC fags fans are back in bloom!

Just in time, because I found a lovely article by an OSU fan about his impression of these dodgy characters that can be read here.

(root for your OWN school.  if your school doesn't have D1 football, WNBA season is going on right now)

On an unrelated side note... 4-0 vs. Toon, 3-0 vs. Twente, 4-0 vs. Rovers, 11-nil to the ARSENAL

Why Lakers Fans Should Not be Warriors Fans

Just another useless roadblock in the Western Conference

This entry is in response to the surge in Warriors love.

1. Warriors are taking up space in a tight western conference playoff race

We all know how competitive the fight for playoff spots is in the west so why should any one like a team that we have to compete with to just make the playoffs. They're not in the same division but there is still the chance that the Suns clinch the Pacific spot and leave us fighting with all the mutts for a playoff spot. Therefore, a pox on GSW

2. Warriors are a bunch of clowns that do not even deserve to be on the same floor as our beautiful triangle offense

Does jacking up treys make for entertaining basketball? Arguably so. But does it indirectly insult the Lakers? YES! The Warriors are spitting in the face of Tex Winter and Jackson by saying "hur hur hur look at us, all our players shoot threes and beat our chest after every shot. chest bumps for everyone!" This may seem a little off-kilter and this entry is careening into a joke entry but c'mon, Lakers play beautiful ball, while the Warriors play H.O.R.S.E. amongst each other.

Does anyone else laugh to themselves when Warrior fans chant "DE-FENSE!" Makes me think of a room full of parrots sqwaking away.

3. Warriors fans are not fond of the Lakers

I basically pulled this claim out of my ass based on a bunch of hearsay but I think it is an undisputable fact that Warriors fans hate Kobe & Co. So why not return the favor? Ain't no love in Lakerland for those that cringe at the sight of purple & gold. F the Warriors!

4. California only has ONE basketball team worth rooting for

For those of you who are a little confusd, HELLA NORCAL is not its own state. Yes, surprising, I know! But, let me ask you a few questions. Who brings championships to lovely sunny California? None other than your Los Angeles Lakers! All the Warriors bring are competition to Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey. Kobe posterizes another player and gets ready for business at the other end of the floor. Baron posterizes AK and gives us a peek at his nipples. C'mon man. The only basketball players in California with poise, panache, and class are wearing purple & gold (even our marijuana loving friend Lamar)
And please do not mention the Kings or the Clippers. Imagine going to a Kings - Clippers game. Even the League of Nations had more on the line than that game.

Thanks for reading this unbiased and purely objective entry!

Remember, never refer to the Warriors as our team or us unless they become a hockey team and the conflict of interest is dissolved.

Groupthink and the Spurs

I don't understand why everyone thinks the Spurs are boring. Say the Clippers or T'Wolves are boring, then I will absolutley agree with you. But the 4-time NBA Champions? I understand that Tim Duncan is not exactly TO or Ocho Cinco when it comes to handling the press. But how can you NOT marvel at how easy he makes it look when he banks in his little 7 footers? And aside from Tim Duncan, the Spurs also have Tony Parker and Ginobili. Personally, I think Ginobili is one of the more exciting players (especially this season) to watch in the league.

Seriously, the Spurs give you more than just jacking up 3s (AHEM GOLDEN STATE AHEM). They have slashing drives to the basket, laser guided missle passes, and those pretty little floaters that make them a rael pleasure to watch. It's true that beyond TD, Parker, and Ginobli (and POSSIBLY Horry), they lack any real starpower. But then again, look at the biggest bandwagon around, the Warriors. Imagine Bob Costas doing the intro for game 7 of the WCF sans Baron Davis and maybe Stephen Jackson.

"TUNE IN TODAY FOR AN EPIC SHOWDOWN. AL HARRINGTON, ANDRIS BIEDRINS, MONTA ELLIS AND PATRICK O'BRYANT! YES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PATRICK O'BRYANT! THEY WILL TAKE ON THE MIND NUMBINGLY BORING SAN ANTONIO SPURS! YES THE SPURS SUCK BECAUSE THEY ARE BORING AND SUCK AT EVERYTHING! WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TIM DUNCAN AND A QUADRIPALEGIC? NOTHING! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"But Ginobli's a flopper!!!!"

Part of the game buddy. If you get the call, you get the call. I don't see how flopping is preferrable to whining to the ref for the next minute after the play has already ended.

So think to yourself, are the Spurs really boring are you just saying that because it is the cool thing to do?

For your consideration: